I am nostalgia.

 I am constantly thinking of the past. I've done it so much it's what my brain automatically reverts to. It's comforting in a way. It's also really sad in a way. It's also really exhausting in a way. To keep remembering and having absolutely no control over it. I am always nostalgic. I love pictures and I love remembering the past. I remember how I felt in those memories more than I do the actual memory. My feelings are such a big part of who I am and remembering the emotions is my way of honoring those memories, and that part of me. If I don't remember, if I'm not sad about the passing of time, then were those memories even impactful? Did those experiences that caused me to feel happy, sad, lonely, excited and ultimately maybe even changed my brain chemistry to make me into the person I am today even really happen if I don't remember them? Do I have to be sad about time passing for it to be important?

 Can it be grief instead of plain sadness? With grief there is gratitude attached. With grief I can remember, be sad it's over, and yet ultimately be grateful that it happened. With grief, it's misplaced love. With grief, it feels more productive, actually meaningful. With sadness, the pain pools and over time it hurts. With grief I remember love and love is way more powerful than any other emotion. Love is moving forward.