My Thoughts Do Not Define Me

I feel it always looming over me. Some days are better. Some days are not. It is an endless fight to shut it out or to just let it be so loud. It's that time of the day when day is turning in and night gets ready to fill the skies. When I was a child it was this time of the day that was the worst. The loneliness, the fear, the unexplainable "boredom" took over and all I could do was cry on the phone and beg my single mother who was working overtime to come home. I did not have the vocabulary for it yet. Before I even knew what it was it plagued me. I thought these were normal human thoughts. Through the years I've found the language.

Anxiety. 

As all my dreams are coming true, in eleven days I marry the most lovely human being who is currently making me dinner in our kitchen, in our home. With our fluffy dream dog walking about sniffing and planning his begging strategy once food is ready. I sit here taking inventory of how far I've come. 12 years ago an immigrant from a 3rd world country. How was I so brave? So alone. Now I can't ever imagine making such big changes all by myself. Today I can only move to a different country with my partner and my emotional support animal, my blue passport, my credit card. 

Safety.