Girls Like Me

I keep thinking to myself these things don't happen to girls like me. Independent, strong, capable. Girls like me talk about their bad Tinder dates and hate men, But now I'm engaged! I have the ring, and the stories to prove it. To this man, the man I've had a crush on for 6 years. The man I have always looked up to and makes me feel the happiest I have ever been. My life has not been easy, pain and loneliness has always been what I'm familiar with. Finding joy through the circumstances, that's what I'm used to. But this? Pure and blatant bliss? What is this? What do I do with this? For a year this man has pursued my heart, made me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. He's seen me through my darkest moments, and fought for me even when I couldn't fight for myself. He makes me want to be a better person and to look forward to a future I was always too afraid to imagine. I'm used to my heart being broken, I'm used to writing sad songs and poetry. Shiny rocks and pretty white dresses? I thought I only ever deserved an elopement in the woods with very few people. Private because that's what you do with pain, keep it to yourself. Afraid that if I go too public with it then the pain that in theory will eventually follow will be too much to bear. But this time it's different and he keeps pushing me to include people in our joy, to let our story be one that's full of the people that we love and love us. Girls like me don't get things like this but it's also the thing we've always wanted the most but never wanted to admit it.

Last October I wrote, "Just because I am healing does not mean I not worthy of good things right now" I am worthy of good things right now. This is the lesson I've been learning. I'm still learning. I'm worthy of happiness and bliss. This ring on my finger, a big wedding, a nice honeymoon, and a nice house. I'm worthy of good things right now. I can't believe this is happening to me. I hope I never stop feeling this way and I hope I make this man feel the same way for the rest of our lives.