September 16, 2021: A Dream

 I dreamed I came to visit you. 

It felt so real and long. We did so many things that just felt right, that I know we really would do in real life. See the city. Ride bikes. Eat food.

I woke up sad because I haven't seen you in over 4 years. 

I'm turning 30 now, can you believe it? Your baby sister is 30 years old. I'm talking about getting married next year. I want to elope because I can't bear the idea of you not being there if I have a big wedding. I want you to walk me down the aisle more than anything. You're my best friend. 

It's strange because we don't really know each other as adults. Our whole adult lives we've spent apart. I wonder if we'll ever get to be together again. I want you to be a part of my life. Be the uncle for my future kids. Be friends with my husband. You'd love my dog. He'd be obsessed with you. 

I wonder when you'll start talking to mom again. She misses you so much. I'm sorry she hurt you. She's sorry she hurt you. I miss you so much.