Hunger Pains

If the dream has changed I will not be upset. I have been doing this and running after this for 15 years now and I have been able to do so many things and be a part of more than I could have even imagined. I truly don't really desire anything bigger, if anything, what my heart desires is for something smaller. 

I have gotten many words of encouragements, words from the Lord from other people, grandiose and extravagant. Big stages, thousands of people, nations, the world. "You're going to make a difference." "You're going to change the world." For a long time I wanted that too. But if I'm going to be honest the biggest desire in my heart is to have a family that I love and care for. A family that I can serve, and change the world through. I love being on stage on Sundays but if I didn't have to do it anymore I think I would still be happy. I could sing in my living room, interceding on the behalf of my family and see them change the world through the relationships that we form. 

I feel an aching in my spirit and it's not the sad or bitter kind, it's the hunger kind. Perhaps this shift in my spirit is just for hunger for more because I cannot be doing the same thing anymore if I want to keep moving forward - no matter where that forward is. Stepping down and focusing on relationships or going on overdrive in my ministry. I cannot lead a people where I have not yet been. I feel hunger pangs because I know I am being taken to a place I've never been before and I want to come open to whatever it is. I always feel it rumbling to happen during the fall, and every two years. 

If I was meant to plant and then move on, I will be happy and grateful for that. If I was meant to keep going I know I am going to need MORE and I am going to need a new fire to be lit inside of me. I am so hungry and desperate.