To Me, On Black Lives Matter (June 2, 2020)

Dear Self, 

It's June 2nd, 2020. We're still in the middle of a pandemic, but we are also in the middle of the Black Lives Matter movement after a string of heinous murders of innocent, unarmed black people were filmed, documented, and spread on the internet. Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Tony McDade. The Western Christian Community stayed silent in the cries for justice for the murders, but when the protests for Black Lives Matter turned into riots and looting, people started being vocal about it. Like they cared more about the burning buildings and the businesses than the people who have been murdered. 

It's been heavy. It's been exhausting. Trying to stand and speak for my black friends, and trying to educate the ignorant and naïve people making insensitive remarks. 

"I see no color. "

"All lives matter."

"It's sad that he died but I can't believe the buildings are burning."

*silence* 

Just some of the things that have been said/not said to communicate so much implicit bias. I wish I could shake every single person awake. 

Today I spoke with a distraught white friend of mine who is married to a Black man and has two black baby boys. She spoke and cried about how frustrated she is at the silence of the church and the acceptance that "Racism will always exist" and so we should just leave it all up to God and not speak up about it. She was saddened that nobody in the church has reached out to them about what's happening. She spoke about how her husband felt so dismissed when they talked about the black man who was murdered so nonchalantly but then when it came to the looting they were outraged. How are we more outraged about burning buildings than we are about an innocent human life? 

I spoke to another black friend who is so exhausted but still keeps fighting and speaking up about being Black in America. How people will not listen to her own experiences? How dare we try to narrate someone's life experience? How dare we try to tell someone how they were not oppressed? That they are being sensitive? 

I am outraged. 

I decided to ask my mother if she has reached out to the black people in our church. And her answer was, "Who's black? I don't see color." and my heart sank. My parents attend an International Church, and it's beautiful because it's people of all colors and backgrounds, you would think that because of this they would be more vocal about this but they have kept silent. People think that by addressing differences that we are causing more division so they plead colorblindness. But that only benefits those who can afford to be colorblind. Black people cannot afford to be colorblind, they have to live with their color everyday and they get murdered just for the color of their skin. 

Mother refuses to listen to me right now and insists that I am being divisive even though I keep pointing her back to how this is actually being loving. My heart is broken that my own flesh and blood is choosing to be silent and choosing to turn the blind eye. I know I can't change people's minds and hearts until they are ready to listen. But don't let this silence you. Be just as stubborn as they are. Stand for truth. Stand for the Gospel. Jesus hates racism. Racism is sin. Keep going. If it takes your whole lifetime. Keep going. Keep standing up for what's right and speaking up against injustice.