A Difference Pt. 1
The state of the world right now feels incredibly bleak.
Everyday, the news of the US Government Leaders making poor decisions regarding this pandemic, people believing lies and conspiracies, protesting, people dying and the US President is incredibly clueless and is a racist and I just really cannot believe that people let him say the things he says. He's pretending this whole pandemic is not a big deal. He makes me unbelievably angry, I can't even watch him speak because it quite literally makes me want to puke.
An unarmed black man got hunted down and murdered by two white males for jogging in their neighbourhood. This happened in February and only last week when the video leaked of the murder did the authorities make an arrest - ONLY BECAUSE PEOPLE SAW IT. Recently I spoke with a white male from my church who believes that "Systematic Racism" is no longer a thing in America, clearly it is his privilege that makes him blind to this and that breaks my heart. I simply cannot make someone change their mind, people will see what they want to see.
The President of The Philippines has become a dictator and is doing a horrible job of taking care of the Filipinos. It's De Facto Martial Law. People are being killed, beaten, and incarcerated for not wearing masks, for failing to social distance, and breaking curfew. He recently shut down one of the biggest broadcasting networks that have been researching and exposing him. He also recently made an arms deal with the US to buy 1.5 billion worth of Weapons, which not a lot of people know about.
I. AM. ANGRY. I am frustrated. I am sad. I feel very hopeless. I often feel but a tiny cog in the machine that is the world around me. My best friend Jamie is incredibly passionate about making a change and is super idealistic and she speaks so well about social justice and I love it because she speaks everything I feel. She is radical and really believes that even the smallest changes can make a difference in this messed up world. I wish I could be like that. But I am scared and I doubt that little old me could ever make a difference. But I know that being silent is being a part of the problem.
I have made a rule with myself that I only talk to people about religion and politics who really are willing to listen and who I actually know. Not strangers and especially not on social media. I am trying to stay as informed as I possibly can, enough to form my own intellectual conversations about it but I'm going to lie I often feel like I just simply don't know enough.
On top of it all, I am a Filipino Citizen currently in the process of becoming a US Citizen and I am conflicted as hell about all of it. Because my heart and flesh will always be Filipino and love being Filipino but also I feel hopeless about what's happening in America. My mother brought me here for a better life and I really have a lot of opportunities here that I otherwise would have never gotten if I stayed in Manila - especially with the state of it all back there too - I am so comfortable here. Things in America really are so much easier and I have to remind myself of that. I am so grateful to be here but I just feel so small. I am definitely going through some existential crises right now. I am frustrated and angry at the state of the world. I want to make a difference but don't know where to start. I feel like I am only ever good at expressing myself but what difference does that actually do? I am tired of being just angry, I want to be pushed to action. But what? How? I want to believe it wouldn't be a waste of time or energy. Will anyone actually listen?
Everyday, the news of the US Government Leaders making poor decisions regarding this pandemic, people believing lies and conspiracies, protesting, people dying and the US President is incredibly clueless and is a racist and I just really cannot believe that people let him say the things he says. He's pretending this whole pandemic is not a big deal. He makes me unbelievably angry, I can't even watch him speak because it quite literally makes me want to puke.
An unarmed black man got hunted down and murdered by two white males for jogging in their neighbourhood. This happened in February and only last week when the video leaked of the murder did the authorities make an arrest - ONLY BECAUSE PEOPLE SAW IT. Recently I spoke with a white male from my church who believes that "Systematic Racism" is no longer a thing in America, clearly it is his privilege that makes him blind to this and that breaks my heart. I simply cannot make someone change their mind, people will see what they want to see.
The President of The Philippines has become a dictator and is doing a horrible job of taking care of the Filipinos. It's De Facto Martial Law. People are being killed, beaten, and incarcerated for not wearing masks, for failing to social distance, and breaking curfew. He recently shut down one of the biggest broadcasting networks that have been researching and exposing him. He also recently made an arms deal with the US to buy 1.5 billion worth of Weapons, which not a lot of people know about.
I. AM. ANGRY. I am frustrated. I am sad. I feel very hopeless. I often feel but a tiny cog in the machine that is the world around me. My best friend Jamie is incredibly passionate about making a change and is super idealistic and she speaks so well about social justice and I love it because she speaks everything I feel. She is radical and really believes that even the smallest changes can make a difference in this messed up world. I wish I could be like that. But I am scared and I doubt that little old me could ever make a difference. But I know that being silent is being a part of the problem.
I have made a rule with myself that I only talk to people about religion and politics who really are willing to listen and who I actually know. Not strangers and especially not on social media. I am trying to stay as informed as I possibly can, enough to form my own intellectual conversations about it but I'm going to lie I often feel like I just simply don't know enough.
On top of it all, I am a Filipino Citizen currently in the process of becoming a US Citizen and I am conflicted as hell about all of it. Because my heart and flesh will always be Filipino and love being Filipino but also I feel hopeless about what's happening in America. My mother brought me here for a better life and I really have a lot of opportunities here that I otherwise would have never gotten if I stayed in Manila - especially with the state of it all back there too - I am so comfortable here. Things in America really are so much easier and I have to remind myself of that. I am so grateful to be here but I just feel so small. I am definitely going through some existential crises right now. I am frustrated and angry at the state of the world. I want to make a difference but don't know where to start. I feel like I am only ever good at expressing myself but what difference does that actually do? I am tired of being just angry, I want to be pushed to action. But what? How? I want to believe it wouldn't be a waste of time or energy. Will anyone actually listen?
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