Are You Okay?

 Another school shooting happened today in Nashville. Last Wednesday it was right down the street from me, the same school where just a little under a month ago a kid was shot in his car in the parking lot. 

Right now the US Government is focused on taking away what little rights transgender folx have in this country and also banning a micro video sharing app for fear of the Chinese government stealing US data. That the Chinese people really couldn't care less about?

 What the actual fuck is happening. 

Are we okay? Have we started to become so desensitized to hearing news of gun violence, of children possessing weapons?! Why. Is. Nothing. Happening?! I swear it happens every week. Why do we keep giving guns to people? Why is this country so obsessed with owning guns? I'm so confused. I am so tired. I thought this was America. Is this the freedom you all boast about? 

I mean I guess it would be so much easier to keep my head down, scroll past the sad news, say a little prayer, and move on with my measly life as I, like many others, are simply trying to survive. My life would be so much easier if I decided not to care about anything other than the things I can immediately change. But I am not okay. Every time I see the word "shooting" in a news headline I am sent into a spiral of rage and grief for the world that has to live like this. 

I remember earthquake drills were traumatic for me as a child who lived in the islands. The year before I was born, a big earthquake hit our capital region and rebuilding the city took years. I grew up seeing documentaries of people surviving and being rescued from the rubble after days of being stuck. That was one of my greatest fears as a child, I prayed against earthquakes every night before bed and every small tremor would lead to uncontrollable chills. 

The first time I ever had to do an Active Shooter Drill was at the mega church that I worked at. They had this because they had an active shooter in 2007 who killed 2 and injured another. The drill was methodical, I was volunteering in one of the 3 year olds Sunday Classrooms. They had black laminated sheets with velcro that easily attached to cover the glass panes on the doors so that the shooter could not see inside. The lights were turned off, kids ducked under the tables, and we were instructed to stay silent and pray. Apparently kids have to do this now pretty regularly, prepare for when a deranged human with an assault weapon breaks in to your space of learning as often as an island kid prepared for unpredictable mother nature doing its motherly natural thing. 

As far as I know there is nothing that can stop an earthquake from happening. Nothing that can stop a hurricane or a tsunami from happening. No amount of technology can ever keep it from happening and because humans have overtaken this earth, we have to learn how to live with it. But gun violence?! I live in the city with one of most popular school shootings that happened back in the 90s. THE 90s! It is 2023 and we still keep having them. I am baffled that with all the technology advancements we've made, we are yet to do something that will stop mass shootings from happening. 

It's no longer a surprise to hear that the shooter is mentally ill, it's a tale as old as time. Yet the best system we can come up with is to keep children from being traumatized by an active shooter, let's traumatize them with the fear of the possibility of an active shooter coming into their supposed safe space for learning. Let's argue whether teachers need to be bringing a gun to school. Let's bring racist police officers to surround schools and mistreat the black and brown kids. WHAT ARE WE DOING. What is happening. 

The worst part of it all is that we are all meant to just move on swiftly after hearing of the news of another mass shooting like nothing happened. I am not okay and I don't even have kids in schools yet. Are we okay? How are we supposed to be okay?

Volunteer security guards roamed the halls of the mega church building, IDs displayed, radios in their ears. As an intern living in the building, I didn't really feel protected by them. I felt like I annoyed them and made their lives harder than it had to be.